How to choose a crush:
- He should be the tallest boy around—or at least taller than you.
- He should probably be the fastest runner in the playground. Speed is important.
- He shouldn’t know you exist. This way, you cling to any attention he gives you.
- He should have cute(?) face. It is evident from extensive notes that having cute(?) children is also extremely important.
- He shouldn’t have any prior conversations with you. Nothing of real substance, anyway.
- He should cause you to eat an entire jar of butterflies—without these, the crush won’t last.
- Seriously. Eat the butterflies.